Well, with screens all over, online dating has become a plausible solution to finding love… or casual sex in the least. Between OkCupid, Tinder, Elitesingles, Badoo, Eharmony, I can’t list all the online dating platforms. It’s not only overwhelming but shallow in that photos, and first impressions are the only thing you have going at first.
Do you want creepy men or questionable women? Try online dating. It guarantees to deliver a sea full of complex creatures that you can either choose to drown in the murky waters or simply wade through and get out. Oh!! This article isn’t meant to make you swear off dating sites. I am just giving you some prior knowledge of what to expect.
Internet dating isn’t something you envision when you think of narrating your love story to others. Most people want that story of ‘eyes meeting across the room’ or something else along those lines. I am not saying I don’t want that, but…C’mon! My fairy godmother didn’t show up to turn me into Cinderella when I was attending a ball.
Also, I don’t think you are acting God in your life by joining an online dating site. Lisa Bevere, an author, and a bible teacher says, “If you think you’ve blown God’s plan for your life, rest in this. You, my beautiful friend, are not that powerful.”
I have tried two online dating platforms, and from my experience, the ‘bait’ you use determines the fish that are hooked. There are two types of fish one, the ones you want to keep and, those you throw back into the ocean. I have had respectful conversations and made friends. And I have had the creepy, questionable men that you wonder why you swiped right in the first place.
My definition of an online dating site
For me, I take it as an introductory platform. It gives you a larger pool of people to interact with without having to get off your couch. Besides, your dream of finding a partner can be crushed at the privacy of your home.
As your online dating fairy godmother, let’s get to the internet dating rules.
8 The Commandment of Online Dating Platforms
1. Thou shall have an impressive and honest profile
There is a way to create a fantastic profile that sums you up without oversharing. You can’t afford to be caught up on a camping date because you listed it as your favorite thing to do, yet you HATE roughing it. Don’t give away too much information; it’s not your bio.
So, what should I consider when creating a profile? What I do is, thinking about the person I want to match with. If I want a man who loves goofy jokes, puns, I include a great joke on my profile. If I like a man who loves dogs, I talk about my love for dogs. You get the drill, right?
If you want a fling, Tinder or Bumble will give you great matches if you state your intention. Oh! People don’t like squinting to see your photos; it’s frustrating. We are in the age of high-resolution images, so make yours clear.
2. Though shall protect your safety at all costs
Never throw caution to the wind on online dating apps. As much as you are excited and optimistic about your prospect ‘date’ don’t ignore any red flags. There are fake profiles, people out just to scam you, so take every match like a pinch of salt. Not everyone is as authentic as their profile reveals. Being safe is your number one priority, not protecting strangers’ feelings.
If it proceeds to date, keep it to public places and inform your family or friend of where you are going. Additionally, check-in with them so the other person knows someone knows where you are.
Plus, keep in mind it helps to have an exit strategy if it turns out to be a bad date! But don’t dine and dash or tell an outright lie like “My sister’s guinea fowl just dropped dead.” Be polite, and have what I call a well-learned escape strategy. “This was nice, but my cab is right outside.”
3. Thou shall not catfish
The culture of deception has increased in this social media era. There are various degrees of lies, from lying about your weight (kittenfishing) to creating an entirely false identity (catfishing). Yes, I know the pressure of looking attractive is on the rise, but it’s not worth it. Honesty is the best policy if you are looking for something long-term.
Read on the tips to help honest people navigate online dating here.
4. Thou shall stay away from nude profiles
Like I said earlier, your bait hooks the kind of fish you are looking for. If you post semi-nude pics with you looking ‘thirsty’ as ever, you can’t convince someone you aren’t looking for a booty call. Swiping as a woman, I have come across plenty semi-nude pics going all the way to the happy trail. You can tell if someone wants a call girl or worse, they are narcissists.
Don’t get me wrong; I am not opposed to nice, sexy bodies. Heck no!! I love them!
5. Thou shall only say the things you mean
Don’t turn into a people-pleaser when you start talking to someone you fancy hoping they reciprocate your feelings. Rule number one, don’t go overboard when showering them with compliments. It’s creepy, and the truth is they can’t be as irresistible as white chocolate.
Rule number two, be authentic. Stop with the over-enthusiasm. It’s unattractive. No one wants an epic love letter on Tinder, at least not me.
6. Thou shall not give more than they receive
It is easy to lose yourself during online dating. Don’t forget what you bring to the table. You had expectations, goals, and objectives that took you to the online dating site. You aren’t interchangeable, so don’t comprise yourself pleasing someone you haven’t even met yet. So, don’t invest in someone unless they invest in you too.
7. Thou shall read both nonverbal and verbal cues
We talk a lot with our body language, facial expressions, and silence. You just have to look, and you will get the message loud and clear. If you can’t tell, be straightforward and ask. You don’t have to compromise your values to remain ‘cool peeps.’
8. Thou shall split the bill on your first date
You are both grownups who made a mutual decision to meet, so share the cost. Unless it’s a sugar daddy/mummy and gold-digger hook up, split the bill.
I am wrapping up!
In my experience as a black woman, I will say there are so many misconceptions about the reasons as to why I am on an online dating app. In my encounter, the white men (not going to generalize but the majority I have talked to) think I am there for them to show their junk. I don’t want to see your penis; it’s disrespectful, disgusting, and very uncouth of you to go there when I haven’t asked or implied that’s my intention. The black men I have come across are generally respectful, and I have made friends and carried out meaningful, funny, at times, crazy conversations with them.
It is a process and you won’t find your prince charming overnight. You might have to literally kiss a few frogs before you do. Have fun and enjoy the process. Generally, it’s worth a shot! Just be respectful and be yourself while at it. All the best!!